HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
