ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
