a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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