I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
