I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
