Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
