That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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