awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
