i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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