How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
