Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
