Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
