He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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