Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
