There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
