Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
