I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
