I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
