I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
