It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize