I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
