Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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