Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
