My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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