i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
