You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
