her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
