she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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