my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
