I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
