i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
