i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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