i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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