Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
