mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
