6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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