I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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