All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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