Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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