SEEEEXXX PLEASE
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
