The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
