Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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