bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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