how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
