Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
