In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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