i don't like sucking hair
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
