woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
