im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish my penis had a tongue
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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