He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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