You're earring is so big in my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
