hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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