fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
