I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
