I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
