she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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