There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
