On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
