they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
