took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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