if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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