i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
