the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
