she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
