Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
