Your face is a jimmy john
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
