if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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