Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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